"I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing." ~Socrates

There is a great deal of prophecy to be found from throughout history, whether it came from the Bible or Nostradamus is not so consequential compared to how the many sources all come to about the same predictions. One prophecy, however, has stuck in my mind due mainly to it's clarity. It is a Hopi prophecy, handed down from generation to generation and first publicized in the Hopi newsletters (Techqua Ikachi) of the '70's and '80's. The prophecy is about one of the many signs of the closing of the 4th cycle (think Christian apocalypse).
A direct quote of the prophecy:

"...the world is facing a new crisis. This is a war of retaliation against terrorism. A war to save the innocent and to punish the guilty. But who is innocent and who is guilty?"

Just something to ponder.

Have a lot on my mind...

Over a third of the honey bee population has disappeared.

The Real ID is closer to reality.

The unification of Canada, Mexico and the US is encroaching.

My candidate for President, Ron Paul, doesn't stand a chance against the Republican/Democratic machine that is killing the US.

Oh yes, I have much on my mind. So much I don't think I can focus on a topic. So I'll leave these thoughts for you to ponder.

I did not die, or fall victim to a paralyzing accident, of these I am sure.

I've missed my anonymous world of Mindsay.

I'll be back tomorrow.

It was a year ago, Nov. 11, that I got the call that changed my life. The call notifying me of my brother's suicide.
It was, strangely enough, a very pleasant day spent with my baby sister (she's clean and sober, by the way). We mined a little of his ashes out of the chest I keep him in and took him for a cup of coffee and people watching, a little bit of shopping and then down to Zilker Park.
We sat on the river bank and talked for hours. As the sun was setting, we were able to say good-bye and set the small part of him down the river. (Shh! It wasn't even a cubic inch, so it really didn't hurt anything!). Floating down the river, he looked like a stream of smoke. We watched him until he was out of sight and then came home feeling lighthearted and peaceful...not at all how I thought today would feel..."and it was good".

I'm searching for my purpose here. Surely after 30 years of life I should at least have an idea of what it is...I am hoping against hope that I figure it out before another 30 years pass.

My best friend of nearly 20 years passed away last Saturday. My heart is broken and the loss is killing me.
She was the one soul that never once let me down or hurt me. She was there when I needed her. She made me feel loved and needed at every chance.
Now she's gone, and with her the last of my childhood. She was the only remaining link to that period of time, so now it is free to go.
Her death was heart wrenching, especially when I know that she was trying to get to me for her final moments. I didn't even notice. I was too busy sleeping to sense that she was hurting and needed me. My family tries to soothe me with the beauty of the fact that she wanted to be with me, but it does not help because I was not there for her when she was always there for me.
My husband was the one that found her, her paw stuck in the fabric of the box springs. I continuously hope that the exhertion of trying to get loose hit Cali with a quick and sudden heart attact, but my mind continues to picture her frantically trying to loose herself to no avail and knowing that I was not coming to save her and comfort her.
I hate myself. I've tortured myself from the moment I was awoken for the scene. I'm a terrible mother and a useless friend.
I miss her so much!
I washed her body, as she was suffering from kidney failure and was no longer very good at grooming herself, and combed her prettily. We made a nice bed of plush fabric and wrapped her in warm fleece. She has been laid to rest at my parents' house, so that I may visit.
She will never again rest on my shoulder, to nudge my face with hers. There will be no more nights of being unable to turn over as she had made herself comfortable on my back or side. There will be no more games of pencil grabbing or feather chasing. There won't be anything, because she's gone and I'm left with memories that can not warm me on a cold night.

Luckily, I've been saved too much embarassment as they cut out my ranting of the ever present eye! They used the minute of concious thought...I can take in a deep breath of relief of not coming off as crazy and having friends asking where my aluminum foil hat is...
I still looked like a retard, though.

Unfortunately, mine came up today. At the intersection, trying to get to the bus to go home, in the sweltering heat KXAN stops me for an interview regarding cameras going up at intersections.
Knowing how I feel about this, and everything I've ever said about big brother, you'd think I'd swim through it sounding like a genius.
Instead, I was hot, shocked, nervous and unable to control my thoughts...I'm fairly certain I came off like an idiot. So much for my moment to shine.
If only they had given me a few minutes to gather my answer...but no, big fuzzy thing in my face and the reporter's anxious questions were coming to fast...I'm sure I'll be hearing tons of comments at work tomorrow about my crazy conspiracy theories...
I was just irritated about the whole thing, but now I'm getting pissed off. Freakin' dumbass.

So much on my mind. World War III, tsunamis, globilization...sad, sad days for me. Everything I've been envisioning is happening and it's a hard thing to watch it all unfold.

Call it a conspiracy theorist's dream, if you choose to be so lazy, but you obviously have the internet so you have the power of truth at the touch of your fingers.
Globalization, New World Order, 1984...what ever you wish to call it is at our front door and no one is talking about it.
Border patrol is a sham. Stop wasting your time worrying about it, because our government is NOT trying to close them, guard them or protect them. They are on the verge of being opened wide to create a unified North American "partnership".  I urge you all to pay attention to the following important steps our government is putting into place to bring the plan to fruition.
1. The Real ID. I've told you about this before. You remember, I told you, the National ID passed through quietly, on the sly in the Iraq spending bill last May? That goes into effect in less than 2 years. The ID is not mandatory...but if you do not sign up for your computer chip containing your entire life story, then you will not be able to travel by plane, open a bank account, collect your social security and these are just the beginning as Homeland Security will reserve the right to add to the list of things that you will not be able to do unless you have the ID. Enter "Real ID" to your search engine, it is not that difficult!!
2. US are opening a new port. Do you have any idea where? Kansas City, MO. A strange place for a port you would think...unless you aren't trading across oceans. This port is specifically being built for open trade between Mexico and Canada. Anything crossing the border from Mexico stops only once, at this port, before heading into Canada. Thank you NAFTA. For your search, try "Kansas City Smart Port"
3. You've heard of the Euro. It replaced the currencies of Europe. The same thing is about to happen here. It is being called the Amero. It will replace the US dollar, Canadian dollar and the Mexican peso.
I'd like to introduce you to our new government, the NACC. That is the North American Competitiveness Council. Built under bureaucracy through the DOC (Department of Commerce) these decisions will not be voted on by Congress, nor We The People. Our voices will not be heard nor wanted.
Welcome all, to the North American Union.

Our friend, who works for Haliburton in Iraq, has come home for a visit. We spent most of today out at the lake, specifically at Pace Bend Park. It was such a good time. I love the water. This is perhaps why Austin is the one place in Texas I truly like, as it is full of water.
Oddly enough, we were there longer than anticipated as the police blocked off the entrances, due to a "situation" with a "man with a gun". Which is ok (not the man w/ gun, but the delayed exit of the park) as we took the opportunity to get back in the water one last time.
I just dropped off the friend, husband and another buddy of theirs' at one of the local houses of ill repute to tuck some dollars into the g-string of some needy girl, have some over-priced/watered down drinks and have an all around good boys night out.
Now I'm happy at home, enjoying some time to myself. Got my pc, got my tv, got a good book...I'm good to go.

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I just heard on the ET Tonight that celebrities are coming forward with their stories of sex abuse as children. I don't understand the need to broadcast this other than for publicity. I was abused as a child, but I don't go around telling everyone...though I guess I just did...but only to make a point.
These stars, though, they get all emotional and teary about it. I don't understand that. It seems a sign that they are not past the "trauma" of the abuse. I don't believe I have ever gotten emotional about it. It was just a bad thing that happened and, like all other bad things, you have to rise above it.
I know it was nothing I did wrong, as I was just a little kid, and so it is just another thing to me. It didn't make me or break me and I don't feel the need to shout out to the world everyday that it happened. It's not like it makes you a special case, statistically 1 of 4 children are abused, which means that at least a quarter of the population has gone through it. You don't see a quarter of the population whining about it into their old age.
No, these ladies are just looking for that added kick in the spotlight, which is kind of sick to me. Using something terrible to ensure a story in People is truly foul and pathetic in my eyes.
If you were trying to help children of the future, then you volunteer your time working with kids teaching them what to do in the event of a "bad touch". That is called making lemonade, which is what you do with life's lemons.

That title pretty much sums up what goes through my head. A thousand important thoughts run through my brain, meaningful only to me.
I sometimes think that I'm "off" in the head, but then I remember that I am one of billions.
This world can't survive as we can't get past our own thoughts and jointly share what is important, of meaning....Then again, I've seen The Village of The Damned and am quite sure that it wouldn't survive if we were all of the same thoughts/ideas.
At least by thinking alone and separately, life/other people can surprise you sometimes...though at the same time frustrate you as they don't seem to understand where you are coming from. It's a win/lose situation.
This entire entry is a random rant in my head, written down for no one else to care much about but something important in my way of thought.

The Federal Government, specifically the FDA, has decided I (and you) am not making the right choices when I go out to eat. They now want to regulate portions served at restaurants, at this time it is reported as "urging" but with Congress wanting to step into the issue I imagine it will soon become a bill to be laid at the President's feet. How silly of me to think that what I did with my body was my choice.
First of all, yes, it is typically a large portion...but how many of you are like me that you leave with a take out box, where it will sit in your fridge forgotten?
Second of all, if a person is happy being fat and doesn't mind the "dangers" of obesity who is the government - and who are we - to tell them that they must go on a diet?
Thirdly, we are living too long as it is. I really am tired of people forcing me to prolong my life. I have no desire to be 95, alone, in a nursing home, incontinent, and praying for a nurse to come into my room just so I can talk to someone - someone who is most likely unhappy to have to change my diaper and perhaps sadistic enough to enjoy mocking an old lady pissing herself.
More power to the people happy to die of a heart attack at 65!

For weeks I have been excited for Posiedon to hit theatres. I was picturing excellent effects making an originally good film into an even better one. I waited and waited and finally, yesterday, I was able to go see it and I was let down in the worst way. They changed the characters and the storyline. The great effects lasted all of 10 minutes, 5 minutes at the beginning and 5 minutes at the end. The drama of the characters' lives was wittled down to complete nonsense and, as my husband stated, was full of cliche.
It was terrible. I was so disappointed that I could have slumped into a severe depression. The Posiedon Adventure is a classic action film that has been turned into a too long, dull, pile of crap. Yet again, Hollywood has let me down.
I'm trying to stay strong and have hope for the future. X-Men 3, The Omen, United 93, The Da Vinci Code...surely, in the end, at least one of these will not suck...right?

I just called my mother to wish her a happy mother's day. At the end of the conversation, I felt the truth that the only mother I have ever had, loved and recognized as my mother - my grandmother - died back in 1998 and that I am now wandering the world without my mom.
Moms are important. They are what create the person you become. I was lucky to have such a good one and I hope she knows how much I miss her today and everyday.

Revelations 5
"Thou wast slain, and didst purchase for God with Thy blood men from every tribe and tongue and people and nation. And Thou hast made them to be a kingdom and priest to our God; and they will reign upon the earth."

ie: Anyone seeking God, regardless of what religion they follow to find him.

We are naturally selfish...self-preservational. It's a fundamental truth that we all try to overcome, but inevitably are unable to do so.

That is all, for now.

Hollywood thinks they can just do whatever they want, whenever they want. They think it's allowable for them to take a story, any story, and turn it into what ever they want. Stupid bastards! It is one thing to take things out to save on time, but to totally change scenes, characters, and dynamic is wrong and nearly sacrilegious.
Especially a classic! You can't do that, I tell you.
This rant stems from the trash rendition of Pride & Prejudice released last year. I just saw it on DVD and was let down from the very first scene. First of all, the first scene should have clearly shown the family dynamic...the father that regrets his marriage to a silly woman, the oldest daughters being the most sensible, the middle daughter being puritanical, the two youngest not just being giggling dumbasses but also flighty flirts.
They totally lost the story line of Wickham and Darcy, the struggle between Darcy and Lizzy, and the issue of Collins inheriting everything of Mr. Bennet's.
I was disgusted. To top it off, they just change scenes. Lizzy's aunt knew Pemberly as a girl, because she grew up in the neighborhood! Lady Catherine does not barge in on the Bennets in the dead of night, slighting the garden's size. She comes in the day and slights it as she walks through it with Lizzy.
I won't even go into the fact that the acting, with exception of Judi Dench and Donald Sutherland, was horrific. Not a single one of the other characters were grasped...let alone portrayed. Darcy will never be played as he was by Colin Firth.
The screen writer and director will, most likely, burn for their abomination of a movie.