"I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing." ~Socrates

Dick Clark just told me that as it is a new year, it is a time for renewal.
Renewal of my soul, renewal of my surroundings, renewal of my ideas...renewal of me.
For the first time ever, I watched the ball in NY drop and I started to cry. I cried and begged for this year to be less of a punishment. I want to wake up each morning without feeling like Job. I want to actually feel like there is something real about karma and that my turn is coming. I want to not worry about everything and everyone. I want to find this inner peace that everyone talks of. I want to be fresh.
This is a new year of many firsts; a year without my little brother, a year without a sense of purpose, a year with 5 cats in a small space, a year with an eye plan added to my insurance benefits, a year with doubt around every corner, a year with hope preceeding every corner...
Hope. Such a little word that packs such a huge meaning, such an enormous feeling. Hope is so big that it can actually feel like it's crushing your heart while it is lifting it.
Perhaps that's why it is so easy to live without hope, to live without the pain that comes with it.
I'm choosing to live life with it, this year. I hope to finish my first book, regardless of publishing or rejection, I'd like to finish it for myself. I hope to not hear sad songs on the radio and immediately well up with tears. I hope for world peace. I hope for another new season of South Park. I hope to get a tattoo. I hope to maintain my close relationships. I hope to let my loved ones know that I love them no matter what. I hope for my baby sister to survive and find hope to leave behind her demons. I hope to get my car fixed. I hope to finish my knitting projects. I hope for my mother to find hope to rise above her sadness. I hope to make just a little bit more money this year. I hope to not get sick. I hope to play a game or two. I hope to be happy. I hope to find hope in my husband and I hope for my husband to find hope in me. I hope for the people of Pakistan to survive winter. I hope the Barton Springs salamander survives extinction. I hope for Iraq...for what, exactly, I'm not certain. Perhaps just for the Iraqi's to be free. Free of insurgents, free of the US. I hope for my brother's soul to be free and at peace. I hope for starving people to find food. I hope to not have a world calamity this year. I hope for another season of My Name Is Earl. I hope for struggling people to find calm. I hope to win the lottery. I hope to conquer smoking. I hope that no one I love dies this year. I hope for life to be just a little less sad and a little more hopeful.
I hope.