"I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing." ~Socrates

Why is it that when life seems to be perking up, it suddenly throws you that fastball that knocks you back down a notch or two (or way back to the bottom)? Where is this karma everyone keeps talking about?
Let me tell you about my kid sister, who is my pride and joy. She is my best friend and we have that bond that only two close siblings can have. She's the light of my life, the last beacon of hope that I hold for my crazy family. She is my only link to the past and the rock of my future. Other than my husband, there is no one else in this world that fits into what's left of my heart.
She didn't have the life I had. She didn't have the grand holidays, she didn't have the support and love, she didn't have anything...
You see (careful, this part of my story may confuse you) my mom had me at the age of 21 (via my father, the good guy), she had my brother at the age of 23 (via this evil man from Lusk, you know the kind that always says, "It's not mine!" ), and then she had my sister at the age of 32 (via...who knows, who cares?). So you see, already, how time is factoring into the difference between how she was raised versus how I was raised, right?
The terrible change in circumstances came when I was 12 (that would make her 2) and - out of the blue - my mother tells us that we are leaving home to move in (of all the crazy, nonsensical, beyond reasoning situations) with the loser that is my brother's father.
Still with me? Ok...
We were ripped from all of the comforts of the life we'd led, ripped from our home, because my mother decided she was still in love with this man and felt he deserved a second chance (the one problem everyone in my family has, we forgive everything and everyone for all trespasses no matter how terrible). I will not go into all of the evil incurred by my mother, or - more importantly - us children, I will only say that the two years I remained sequestered in that household were pure hell and - after a night of terror - I packed my bags in the middle of the night and walked straight home, where I slept in my grandma's car until morning and moved back in the next day. I escaped, my younger siblings were not so lucky.
Long, private and dramatic story later (14 years) my kid sister found her way out, she attempted suicide and nearly succeeded. After being resuscitated three times, she was in a coma for a couple of days and awoke to see the face of the State of Wyoming's Department of Family Services. They immediately put her into foster care, and after a year long battle of seemingly endless bureaucracy I finally won guardianship of her.
So, you see, the girl has been to hell and back and, still, she lives today with a positive face, a kind word for everyone and a heart of pure gold. She has turned her life around, graduated high school with a class of nearly 200 (astounding compared to the class of 30 she was with for ten years) works hard for a good life, and forgives all evils against her. She is going to college, keeping good grades, and doing her best to be a good soul.
This is why I don't understand. After so much good, such love, such brilliance...
We are going to the doctor tomorrow to see if she has cancer.
I'm terrified. We try to make jokes, laugh it off, and not worry...but I am worried. I'm hoping for something less tragic, but know that even if it's not the C - word there is something terrible going on in her body right now. I'm not seeing any fairness in this situation. My troubles seem so insignificant and I feel like I deserve this hell more than her. I'm the strong one, I could handle this, while she is so fragile...
I always say, "You're never given more than you can handle.", but I'm afraid this isn't the truth that I've thought it to be in the past.
(Deep breath...) Ok.
We are hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. We will be ok. She will be ok. She deserves the best that life has to offer and, at 19, she is going to start to get it. This is my solemn vow.
Please, if you are a person of faith (not just Christian faith, not just Muslim faith, not just Jewish faith...just faith as a whole) please pray for her and maybe a little for me, too.