"I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing." ~Socrates

Today, it's a good day for the moms in the States. Their children are bringing them gifts, taking them to dinner, and being told "Happy Mother's Day!" at least once per child.
I just got off the phone with my mother, we chatted a little about grocery shopping...yeah, we don't have much to say to each other. We don't really talk much, this being more my fault than hers, and our conversations are strained. Other than the past, we don't really relate on anything. I love her terribly, but we don't have that mother - daughter connection like her and my kid sister do (they can talk for hours). I suppose it's because I had that bond with my grandma.
I miss my grandma terribly. There was not a better person in the world in comparison. She had a heart deeper than an ocean and more pure than a newborn. She worked hard all of her life and taught me to do the same. She forgave everyone their transgressions and taught me that, too. She made sure I felt loved, which I did. She made sure I understood the importance of charity, and she succeeded there, as well. It's because of her that I am the person I am today.
She's been gone a few years now, but it still seems like yesterday. I remember the day she passed away, and treasure it more than any other day of my life. Odd that such a tragic moment should be a fond memory? I think not, and let me tell you why.
I had been to see her in the hospital the night before, you see, and had started reading some sappy story in Redbook to her while she laid there, seemingly lifeless. I sat there on the side of her bed, telling the story as animatedly as possible, hoping for movement or even a groan that never came.
Visiting hours had ended, and they made me go. I promised her, as she lay there in a quiet comatose state, that I'd be back the next day to finish the story. I left, thinking she didn't even know I was there and was off in some dark place feeling terribly alone. She hated to be alone...
The next day, I couldn't bring myself to go back. I drove up and down Main Street for hours, listening to the City of Angels soundtrack, over and over, back and forth, up and down...I stopped thinking, focusing only on the yellow lines of the highway, ignoring every thought in my head...until instantly, like a door slamming, a thought came, "I have to go to the hospital, right now!"
I tore back down Main, thinking "Now, now, now, now, wait, please wait, I'm coming now, just one more minute..."  I ran into the hospital, ignoring the "Hi's" from the orderlies, nurses, etc., flew into her room and grabbed her hand and said, "I'm here grandma, just like I promised, I'm here now..." I felt her squeeze my hand and listened as she took a deep breath, watched her chest rise and fall...and then, she was gone.
I just stood there for a minute, lost. I put my hands to her mouth and felt nothing. I put my hands on her chest...nothing...
Then, it sank in. She was really gone, leaving this body that was going cold so quickly.
I ran out of the room, screaming, "Please help me...Please...She's not breathing!". The doctor came, checked for a pulse and then pulled the sheet over her head (So dramatic, I had thought they only did that in movies...) and I collapsed in the hall, crying and screaming for all of the other people to see. They took me to an empty room and tried to calm me down, offering sedatives...didn't they understand? The most important person in my life has just left me alone in this horrible world.
The rest of the day is mostly a blur, though I remember clearly going with grandpa to the mortuary to make arrangements, she was to be cremated and I was allowed to order an urn necklace with some of the ashes. Bader (the mortician) let me go into the room where her body lay naked, with a sheet covering her from the waist down. She would have been horrified that he had seen her naked, so I pulled the sheet up to her shoulders touching her yellow skin (from something they cover the body with to clean it, like a newborn). I coaxed her hair, hugged her rigid body, kissed her dry, cold lips and said good-bye for the last time...
Do you still wonder why I treasure this day? It's because she waited for me. I was the one she wanted with her when she went. Me, her little "Sunshine of the Mountain"...